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26 April 2004 @ 11:00 pm
i think i just rambled as well..sorry..that was very unintended  
tomorrow I am to be alone...allday...I have been asked not to speak for go near David.....I dont understand...Wat did I do?...
i ruinded things again......I made another mistake...
doesn't he know that I can't live with out him...he is my heart that beats...my air....my existence......

Tomorrow I will do as he askes.....I love him so much that I am willing to do wat ever he askes of me....almost watever....

Y can't he talk to me?...why is it so hard.....I trust him..doesn't he know that?....I believe every word that comes out of his mouth....
When he showed me those cuts on his sholder, I just had this feeling, like it wasn't him..before he could say a word..like something else did this...but wat?.....
Instead I had a certain look on my face...that wasn't mine....

Last night i had a horrible dream...on with Lots of death...
But one was not of his...one ones not of me.....
Anyothers yes...but not us.....
I thought things were getting better...why is it that everytime everything feels as tho it is getting better, things happen.
This morning I had butterflys in my stoumic....the same butterfies that I would get when I had that cruch on David.....the same butterfies that I had during the time before David asked me out.....the time after......
I admit that I once before lost those butterflies but I gained them back a while bace....every morning leaving with anticapation......
unable to wait to catch that first glimps of him every morning....unable to wait for that first touch I would get....
What did I do?.....I am not mad at him...nor am I understanding of all that has just happened....
When I look in his eyes..I see this incredible love.....
My heart nearly escapes me and I only get it when I look/hear/feel him...... No one else matters....the entire planet could dead for all I cared..as long as I had him...he is all I need to survive...he is all I want...*tear*.....
I have stopped so many bad things because of him....because I knew he was there for me...there by my side....to help me...
Well I am here for him...yet its like he doesn't trust me.
Lately my life hass seemed to be crumbiling right in front of my eyes....but the only safe ground is there with him....
I want to be with him in every way...in loving him...in sleeping with him..I want him to be my first...my last...my only.....I love him for who he is....for everything about him...good and bad......
I wish I had the strength to 'be' with him that one fri. .... and even last fri. altho I knew we wouldn't have had enough time...especially with my history of coming close.
It just feels so right being with him.....so...Perfect.
I love him....and nothing can ever change that...I dont know if he still feel more for Krystina or not....and honestly I do not care...
I care about wat is here...wat is now....wat is in front of me...and that is him...I want to protect him.....I want to save and be here for him.....but does he not trust me enough to grab my hand while holding on for dear life on a side of a cliff side?....cuz I trust him...I have given him my entire life....right there in the palm of his hands...and wat he will do with it i do not know...

I just want to sleep now...sleep and listen to music as loud as it can go....to blurr out the rest of the world...
Tomorrow I will literally feel lost...its bad enough that every morning while Im not with him I feel as tho I am a stranger to this world.....

I need to go.......I am sorry....
I am sorry..i am sorry..i am sorry..i am sorry.....I am sorry...for everything......

*tears fall as I am being yelled at*...over sensitive right now...I need sleep...screw skool..and HW
 
 
Current Mood: ...lost..confused..scared
Current Music: my own sniffles
 
 
 
osgar8110 on January 29th, 2013 09:49 pm (UTC)